Running head-first into a brick wall without pausing to think about it

The headline may be a little misleading, maybe i'm just trying to use an old media ploy to get you to read my rant, maybe its a little more pertinent to this blog post than you think...

I'm sitting here writing this at 3:30am because I can't even get myself to sleep my brain is running at such a high speed. Now I know what that may allude to, being that I am writing this at 3:30am in Medellin, Colombia, and I can say with all true and beautiful honesty that the reason I can't sleep is not because I've gone on some crazy coke binge in the world's coke capital. I actually have not done any coke in Colombia, so please do not jump to any conclusions here.

The reason I can't sleep is because I've recently begun reading a book that I happened to come across randomly in my travels called HEAT: How to Stop the Planet From Burning. Now, ask anyone who knows me and they would tell you that I am quite the self-educated expert on any global warming related topic, so much so I would often experience sleepless nights much like this one back home, and would find myself often dipping into long bouts of depression about the massive implications of the un-precendented, looming catastrophe that is hanging over everyone's heads like an anvil hanging precariously from a tattered rope whose last thread is about to give -while-everyone-is-watching-american-idol-and-worried
-about-the-price-of-gas....

But to be perfectly honest, that was a problem that I haven't suffered in quite some time. Who knows why, maybe i've had so many wonderful things to do and experience, I didn't have time to read the news and fret over such things. maybe its because the beautiful nature i've seen, and the positive books and activities i've experienced that made me feel like, hey, there are a lot of good things being done out in the world. Then there has been long bouts on my trip where I've really just forgotten about all that depressing shit, and i've just began to enjoy life, drinking, being merry, only living in the here and now, like so many people in my life have just advised me to do in the past, and hey, its great, maybe ignorance truly is bliss... because this book has brought back all those same feelings like smelling salts to an unconscious person, bringing the reality crashing right back down onto my brain... in just the first chapter. Granted, this is a book about suggestions for solutions, but the author really has laid on the doom and gloom thick in the first chapter, stating that there is 30% chance that all the awful shit that we're only just seeing the beginnings of now is irreversible and the point of no return has already been reached... and that the Amazon is practically at the tipping point of collapse already, and the beautiful forests i was just in are going to be gone (adding 73 years worth of current fossil fuel burning into the atmosphere) by 2030...

oddly enough, on coming back to the hostel tonight after having a few drinks at a bar, some travelers were watching the second installment of Lord of the Rings. Now, revealing dorkiness i sometimes keep to myself, being a big fan of the books and movies i sat down to watch the the remaining half hour of the film. Part of the reason i love the story so much, was that J.R.R. Tolkien was an anti-industrialist and throughout the story there are parallels with the destruction of nature and the whole thing can seem like a symbollic story of the enormous task human kind must now face, way ahead of your time Tolkien, i commend you. I could go on about how the particular scene I watched that hit home with feelings in my head, but honestly one can't go on describing in detail something like Lord of the Rings without starting to feel like a fantastic nerd....

but i digress, i lie awake with all these thoughts in head, feeling like Frodo, with such huge hardships for the future feeling hopeless and like giving up, just finding a good front row seat to witness the largest extinction of life since the Permian era, woo-hoo! having fun and getting the most out of what i can the whole way through, or continuing to do.... what... that's the thing, what the fuck can i really do? what should i do? just go back home, try to live the most non-polluting life possible while the rest of the world gorge themselves silly on fossil fuels? How can i really even pretend i'm not guilty myself, i have to take 5 fucking 4 hour or more flights to get home, causing any lack of car-driving, energy-saving lightbulb using/distributing, organic food eating i do for the next 5 to 10 years to be completely pointless, even more discouraging is even if i did just find a sail boat ride home somehow, those flights and hundreds of others are still going into the air? So really, maybe i should just try to keep these kind of things out of sight, out of mind... why even get a completely sleepless night, i'm in colombia right now, i can go scuba diving, paragliding, hiking, partying till i can't stand up anymore. But does doing that just makes you an empty, selfish person?????? rah rah rah... bloody fucking helllll..... i dont know what else to say, but i pretty much thought all this in bed before getting up to type it out, and i really just wanted to get it out, mabye i just need some encouragement, maybe just some good news i haven't heard about yet besides food shortages and the spreading of diseases due to... oh hey, global warming!!
oh and another i hadn't seen yet, California wildfires... wait, didnt we just have an emergency crisis like that last year... and wait, the year before that too, and hold on, shit yeah, i remember schools closing in San Diego the year before that because, WILD FIRES, and its not even fucking may yet, wildfire season is suppose to start in late july-august...